just went to do some astrology tests cos i'm really drained after afternoon's paper... the readings say tt i need a lot of emotional security which i agree completely... these 2 years i've been gg back more frequently and i realised i seem to have become closer to my mum... which i feel very glad abt... i feel very safe and protected when i'm with her... mabbe it's cos i've always been floating emotionally.. there's no place i can land safely.. now tt i really feel the bond building up, i feel comforted.. pple who grew up with their family wun understand this kind of feeling where u have to try consciously to build bonds... it's tiring.. like this hols when i feel the closeness it only lasted the week and i have to come back here... i'm afraid the force of attraction will weaken and the next time i see her i'll have to try to patch it up again... mabbe the feeling of closeness is making me feel too safe or just the exams are making me too stressed up, i was reluctant to come back and i feel like gg back now... i want to relive my childhood which i've missed too much... i cry too easily because the tears are overflowing inside... i dun like to but i can't stop.. nobody offers a pat because i keep pple away... tired..

4days to block test 2, 4 days to the end of my june hols... let me do a concluding report for my hols then... the first week at lep camp.. the second week was basically sick and thought that i was having dengue.. 3 days haunted by fever... 3rd week got pulled back to indo cos i think my mum is worried... so went back for the week and what i did: eat and eat and eat and watch tv and try to read a page or two from my econs notes.. thou din accomplish even a small part of my study plan, i was happy to be back... at least get away from singapore for a while... breathe some fresh air... came back on sat and went for mc anniversary on sun... was quite fun actually.. looking at faces that used to appear in tv walking in front of u... but not all appear to be as good as they seem.. anw i did a most incredible thing... i told him we're tong xiang... took a photo... he doesn't even know my name... haha... so funny.. the others were also busy taking pictures esp the guys... quite shocked to see them so crazy after those stars... haha... btw the cake was really nice.. i really hope to continue lessons.. may not lead me anywhere but just enjoy gg lessons.. it's an interest lah.. the last week... mugging.. or should i say last-minute sponging... trying to squeeze in as much stuff as possible... hmm... dun think will do very well this time... but at least i think my hols was quite fulfilling... not in the studies sense lah.. ok i shall continue to mug somemore... hope i wun die too badly this time round..

a month has passed since i last blogged.... so many things happened and i shall start backtracking...
the night i went to watch dance night i lost my phone... so stupidly dropped my phone on the bus and only realised it when i was entering the school gate... lost all my interesting stuff inside and the phone was new.... arh~~~ some horrible person took the phone and din try to return it to me... and that led to a whole series of money spending activities like getting a new line in order to get a cheap phone and gg all the way to paragon to get my line cos i'm a foreigner and i must really thank nice wj who din mind accompanyiing me all the way there wearing not very orchard wear... but i've started my life all over again with a new line... everything's ok now...
it's such a traumatizing experience that i forgot to tok abt wad happened before that... the days before dance night we had performances at the fish tank... the system was not very good but the performances got better as we moved on... the amt we collected was not a lot but a lot better than we expected... and i really like chee yang's wo men xiao shi hou... it's touching... he's reallly got the software...
ok... next... i just came back from lep camp not long ago... four days in ntu were really fun... though we only helped to serve food and guide the pple around... i got to noe many interesting and funny pple... like dean, simin, yuanting, zihui, chaokiat... they're really funny pple... i oso got to noe a very fun person, actually i knew wanqi for a very long time since we're in ny but she was always known as matilda's good friend... haha... but these few days would not be so fun w/o her... all those conversations with fake angmoh accents, the crapping in the hostel the dean's meitui, the cancerians, the getting lost at some ulu part of the hostel.... and not forgetting the time we worked so hard in 6925... haha... there are so many things that i can continue abt but it's really too much.. hope we still keep in touch...
now... i'm sick... realised i've become weaker recently... getting sick more often these days... is it tt i'm getting old or i really carn take care of myself... so lousy... i was searching for some fever medicine and found some leftover ones from the last time i fell ill... it dates 3/3, only 3 months ago... haiz... let me get well soon... but it gave me a reason to not study so hard for blks... this carn do... i've to start working soon... i want to go back home...